Why I Love Being Single

January 15, 2016

Photo on 09-12-2015 at 23.50

This is part of a new series I’m calling LEIA: Laila Explains It All. I’ll explain at the end!!!

Today on the blog I’m going to get a bit more personal. I’m going to talk frankly about a side of my life that I rarely discuss in public: my love life. I often find myself in conversations with friends who are unhappy being single. They feel that being single is a struggle, a stigma, something to obsess over or something scary. I’ve kind of assumed the role of “advisor” in my friendship group because I have been single for a very long time and navigated a lot of scenarios that being single tends to throw up; dating, flings, one night stands and the like. They miss being in a relationship, they can’t find “the one”, they imagine they’re unlovable, or they’re anxious about joining the dating “game”.

I have genuinely never felt like that. People don’t believe me but it’s true, really! I LOVE being single. I am probably the archetypal single girl – I’m a ‘Samantha’ in that I love dating. I love the chase, the guessing games, the first dates, the planning, the getting-ready, the gossiping with your friends after, the updates, the late-night chats, the mutual discoveries, the working out how you feel. I love moving on and finding something new and dashing off to the next prospect.

As a teenager, there was a lot of pressure to be in a relationship, but these days, I have a great life in which I devote myself wholeheartedly to things I love. I have the absolute best friends in the world, my dream job, a wonderful house and housemates in North London. I’ve never bothered to think too much about finding anybody to share it with, because I already do share everything with my wonderful friends (who are basically family to me). I’ve never defined myself by my relationship status; and therefore, nobody else has either.

Photo on 09-12-2015 at 23.51

I care deeply about my life and getting the most out of it. I want a life that’s brimming with anecdotes, filled with adventures, and never-ending nights out. Dating and relationships are a fun hobby. A sport alongside a life filled with things I actually care about and want to devote my time too: my friends, my career, my beliefs. Who knows if there’s a Mr Right or a soulmate out there somewhere? I never, ever ponder these things – there’s any number of people I could get on with in the meantime and if somebody turns up, great, if nobody does, who cares? I can’t imagine anything more boring or alarming than by defining myself by my relationship status. I won’t be pranging out on a Friday night in sobbing into my Netflix account – I’ll be down the pub with my mates, or at the back writing songs about my idols, or planning my next holiday abroad.

In fact, I struggle to think about what a relationship could provide that I do not have already. I have self-worth, I have value, I have companionship, I have excitement, I have a life filled with happiness and days out and nice things and there’s not a lot else I really want. I have a lot, basically. I don’t need anybody to provide me with those things, because I found them for myself. Being single gives me a life where I put myself first, where I can spend all my time and energy making this little patch of the world exactly where I want to be – and that’s why I love being single.

This is part of a new series I’m calling LEIA: Laila Explains It All. I seem to have a fairly unique view amongst my pals on this kind of personal stuff – which I’d quite like to share, if it’s not too egotistical! Let me know what you’d like to see – stories of dating, advice, relationship probs or whatever 🙂

Photo on 09-12-2015 at 23.50 #3

27 comments so far.

27 responses to “Why I Love Being Single”

  1. Polly says:

    This is really interesting and I’m really glad you wrote this! I think a lot of people stereotype women as wanting a relationship above all else and prioritising it over everything, so it’s really nice to read about someone not wanting that at all. I think your attitude is very healthy.

  2. Christina says:

    I like the Clarissa reference, that’s right isn’t it? When it comes to relationships I leave it up to fate, it happens when it happens. Although I’m more than happy with the hassle free life without a bf. I think the hard bit about being single is online dating, do you sign up, or not? Love to hear if you have and your experience with it

  3. I agree with you, people are too focused on their personal romantic life and they act as if being single defines who they are as a person. If you have someone you’re worthy but if you’re single there’s probably something wrong with you. It’s like you have to be a couple to be taken seriously. I call bullshit on that. You just live your life the way you want it and if someone comes along with who you want to continue your own journey, as an individual, that’s great. After all these are modern times, people fall in and out of love in matter of days. Why not enjoy it then?

  4. You literally encapsulate everything I love about being single <3

    Char xo || http://www.memoirsmusings.com

  5. Christina says:

    I love this post! It’s great that you have a great support system in your friends and self worth. You’re already complete! Liking the idea of the series!

    XOXO
    Christina
    http://Www.styletothet.com

  6. Rantasalot says:

    You are very wise young woman, this is a great post.

  7. owlsandstags says:

    Firstly, you were brilliant at hosting #gbloggers this evening so well done lovely.

    Secondly, this is exactly the type of post I needed right now. I’ve been single for almost four years and after a long relationship, it’s really nice to focus on myself and without sounding selfish, it’s nice having some me time without forever wondering whether he’s out doing god knows what with god knows who. He never did for the record, just my silly anxiety.

    I hope you host the chat again soon.

    Emma Louise xx
    http://www.owlsandstags.wordpress.com

    • tapeparade says:

      Thank you much lovely!!! I was definitely blown away by the number of participants but it was so much fun! Fingers crossed Vix lets me again :). It’s not selfish at all to feel that way – you are completely entitled to your feelings. xxx

  8. Myles says:

    The worst part about being single is having to/not quite knowing how to justify it. I’ve been to plenty of cultures abroad where you are expected to marry and start families; interactions and conversations always lead to the dreaded question of: ‘why don’t you have a girlfriend??’

    Sometimes there isn’t a better answer than: ‘my heart’s just not in it.’

  9. Maria says:

    I love this post! I like being single too, I like my independence, doing my own thing without having to think about anyone else!

  10. […] this edition I want to comment on a blog I found on my Facebook […]

  11. Laura says:

    yes to this! i find it so strange that most people think of being single as the worst thing in the world and seem to need a partner to validate themselves and are obsessed with finding one, so it’s nice to hear other people write like this! especially feeling the quote “I’ve never defined myself by my relationship status; and therefore, nobody else has either.” because i feel like that’s really important. i think i only differ from you in the way that i don’t really like dating in that way, as i don’t really do dating, haha. but even though i think i’d like to have a husband and family and all that at some point, i am so content with being single. and i’ve always believed that if you can’t be happy within yourself and by yourself, you can’t expect to find happiness from an other person either. xx

  12. winnie says:

    Absolutely! I couldn’t agree more with this. While it would be nice to be in a relationship, I’ve had friends suggest all different kinds of dating sites/apps to me, I just am not that bothered right now. Like the commenter above, I’d like to have a husband and a family and all that jazz but I’m just living my life right now and like you, I’m happy. And there is nothing wrong with being happy 🙂

  13. Bel says:

    This is great! I’m so happy this series is becoming a reality. I think what you’ve said about having self worth outside of relationships is so refreshing, this is honestly a post that I think every young woman should read! Love ya pal xxxx

  14. jessthetics says:

    It definitely is worrying when people obsess over relationships on the assumption that they’re lesser without one. That’s one of the reasons I hate the term “other half” – you’re not half of a person, you’re a whole one!! It doesn’t help that there are so many films / books / magazines etc. which assume that finding a man is the most important aspect of a woman’s life. James adds a lot of value to my life – he’s my best friend, my biggest supportable, my favourite company etc. but it’s him that I value, rather than having a relationship just for the sake of it. I enjoyed this post a lot and I’m looking forward to the rest in the series! xs

    Jessthetics

    • tapeparade says:

      I couldn’t agree more Jess. You and James are a great couple – because you add to each it’s others lives rather than being the whole beginning, middle and end to it. Do you know what I mean? I’ve not spent that much time with the two of you as a couple but I always think it’s great that you’re so much of a team xx

  15. This is sooo good !!!! And i totally agree with you. Single life is good 🙂

  16. […] LEIA: Why I Love Being Single […]

  17. Yes to this empowering, kick-ass post. I felt exactly this way before meeting my now husband and that was the thing, I was truly happy without anyone so when I met the one for me, it wasn’t a ‘needy’ situation. Just two people who slotted into one another’s lives and loved each other for who they were. You don’t need to be in a relationship to be happy in the same way nor do you need kids to be content either. My family are my life but I hate the way people feel there are only a few distinct, conformist ways to reaching happiness. Love comes in many forms and I need my friends as much as my husband and kids. Thanks for sharing this and I love the idea for your series, not egotistical at all.

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