This is a post I’ve started to write many, many times. It’s been through more drafts than any other I’ve written. I dabbled with writing the word “important” in the title, but that seemed vain, and I mulled over just mentioning this in a footnote of another post, but that seemed dismissive, and I even thought about not announcing this at all, but I’ve started to feel weirdly secretive.The stupidest thing is this shouldn’t be a hard thing to announce, because many of you know, many of you have guessed, and many of you won’t care. Part of me feels like this is the worst kept secret in the world, and part of me is going “Laila, no way people pay that much attention”. What I want to tell you is: I am in a relationship. He’s been hinted at, and is lurking in the background of a few photos, but until now I haven’t actually properly officially 100% confirmed it. Now I am.
You might be thinking, what’s the big deal – people enter relationships all the time? But honestly, if you’ve been reading this blog a while, you’ll know this is huge for me. This is the most brave, bizarre, un-Laila thing I’ve ever done. You’ve surely picked up that I’m a very independent, self-reliant, impulsive person who hates the idea of commitment. I was single for a very, very long time, largely because I hated the idea of being in an exclusive agreement with somebody. Who could possibly be worth the hassle, the loss of freedom, the sober nights in? What would be worth ending the adventures, the impulsive nights out, the chase I so dearly love? The mere idea of being a girlfriend was shocking, alien and bizarre. Relationships require commitment, reliability and compromise: things I didn’t need or offer. I was the last person looking for a relationship, and yet, here we are.
I didn’t mention it when the relationship began because honestly, I was freaking out big time. It took me a LONG time to adjust. I’ve been vocal about the benefits of being single – especially on this blog – and I was extremely unsure if I wanted to, or should, or even could, give those things up. I want to spend every second of my life prioritising myself, my needs, my dreams and my work. Who could possibly make me happier than I make myself? Why should I throw away my whole glorious self-serving lifestyle for some random man I barely know? Well, now I know, and now my questions run dry. Now I feel content; now I tell you.
So… it’s a big change for me, but I doubt this blog won’t change much – I’ll still be instagramming rainbows and I’ll still be tweeting pictures of Domhnall Gleeson at every opportunity. I wonder if you’d like to hear more about my boyfriend, or if you had already guessed and would rather not hear anything further? Let me know, and as ever, thanks for reading. X
P.S. I’m so grateful to the many, many friends for helping me keep the relationship hidden on social media and so on whilst I took the time to adjust – thank you for not treating me like a diva, and feel free to publicly ship from now on 😉