January 11, 2017

frost, frosty leaves, ice, icy leaves, frosty leaves, frost plants, plants, spring, fog, january

Sometimes I imagine my obituary; “she was a prolific diarist”. I’ve kept a diary every year since 2000. They’re not the most articulate documents but they capture my childhood and adolescence nonetheless. My middling thoughts. In the hierarchy of thoughts, my songs get the best ones. The top ones, the bonus rounds, the big Kahunas. The other, passing thoughts make their way into my diaries. What I did that day, what the wind was like. Whose gig I went to and what I’m excited for the next day. The small thoughts are thrown out, destroyed, pitied.

I often get to my blog or social media, and think what is left? I’ve already documented my fullest moments and I’ve already documented my day. What is left to discuss here on these other platforms I have available? Do I have enough worthy thoughts? I’d rather try and write without thinking, and just document. It’s not a skill I have but certainly one I’d like to develop. I don’t want to get to 30 and forget what it’s like right now.

frost, frosty leaves, ice, icy leaves, frosty leaves, frost plants, plants, spring, fog, january

Moments To Recall

How even the weather is in flux; it looks grey but it’s warm, or it looks mild but it’s freezing, or it’s warm enough for sweaters only but there’s frost on the ground. We’ve messed up the weather with global warming and nobody knows how fast it will change. This might be the only winter we get like this. I want to recall how Ryan has been cooking the best jacket potatoes ever, how we’ve been bingeing on Steven Universe. How excited I am about making videos, my head teeming with unrealised ideas in a way that it hasn’t for a long time. To remember that right now I am wearing a vintage school-skirt I got at the weekend which has a clean “Schoolbelles” name label in the back. It must be deadstock. Would I have preferred a name?

How I have been lopping off huge chunks of my hair; it’s yet to make any visible difference but I felt like a haircut. How this winter we have been overrun with candles. As a child I thought candles were amongst the worst and most boring gifts adults gave each other. I’m still inclined to agree; me and Ryan were given 3 this Christmas (please, age us further – you couldn’t get any Linda McCartney sausages?), but at the same time it’s nice having non-electric light. How Danilo has moved away and it’s basically just James and Sarah for everyday calls now. Where did that massive group of pals go? These are the little passing thoughts I have this January, the things I want to remember. The pictures I will try to store in my mind, free of judgement and analysis. What does your January look like?

frost, frosty leaves, ice, icy leaves, frosty leaves, frost plants, plants, spring, fog, january

5 comments so far.

5 responses to “January”

  1. Well, January is still running – and even, actually, flying – and by the end of the month it’s my birthday 🙂 It’s nice to have a diary, I used to have some, for years, but somehow, I destroyed them because I fear people could read them 🙂 You are right about the weather. It’s very sad to see the changes, because we may know about them and handle that in a “more or less” way (too cold, too hot, too rainy, etc), but animals and plants have an internal clock, like us, but they get confused 🙁 Hope you have a very nice month, still! Many surprises still to come, I am sure!

  2. Natasha says:

    I love these wintry shots here Laila, they’re gorgeous, and you’re right, the weather is in flux at the moment. It’s hard to know if it will be cold or mild over the next few weeks, but it’s storming and windy here in Cumbria at the moment on the coast, so I’m staying indoors tonight. Climate change and the future of our weather is always going to be something I am passionate about, but like you, it does worry me and none of us are certain now where it will lead, but I know there are many different people working tirelessly to try and overcome and adapt to the problems it brings, so that gives me some comfort and hopefully we can make changes to overcome them! I am in need of a haircut too, it’s always something I do in January, it’s that New Year philosophy that gets me to make changes as I always want to start over each year. Hope the rest of your January goes well lovely! – Tasha

  3. HayleyLoves says:

    I have tried for years and years to keep a diary but I always give up after a few days. Mainly because I don’t know what to write about (I don’t like an interesting life) It’s something I really want to try and do this year as I have a lot of travel plans etc and would love to write down the memories 🙂

    but bravo for all your diaries – I bet looking back at your teenage ones are fun 🙂 xo


  4. Priya Pappu says:

    lol @ the title of your comment form- love you!

    I love this post too! I’ve been journaling on & off since I could write, and consistently since high school. Sometimes when I look at my pile of filled notebooks I’m like…what is the point of this?? But you know- I love keeping a record of things and it really helps me sort out my thoughts. Cheaper than therapy, that’s what I always say. I started my blog as somewhat of a companion piece to my journal, but the cool thing is you can add media (photos, links) and have that collaborative feedback piece as well. I definitely share different things on each platform too, like my journal sometimes feels like just detailed commentary on my to-do list or solely my love life, both things I don’t really discuss on my blog 🙂

    ♥ perfectly Priya

  5. I used to keep up a diary. My best-friend gave me journal for Christmas. I haven’t had time to use it yet.

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