Finding Spring: Where I’m At Right Now

February 28, 2017

These last few days I’ve been thinking a lot about where I’m at. I really love this time of year. As previously mentioned, Valentine’s Day traditionally marked the beginning of Spring and my birthday is just a couple weeks after. It’s these two weeks in between that always seem to mark the real “start” to the year. The frantic rush of new routine, excessive budgeting and vast forward projecting that accompanies January comes to a close. The end of February always rolls around quick; the 28 days takes me by surprise, every year.

The midpoint of February is when I start thinking, yeah, ok, so THIS is what the year will be. THIS is where I’m at. The fads and hype and promises of January seem to calm and the world becomes clearer. It’s a lot easier to get your bearings when you’re not trying to daily better yourself in a Pinterest-inspired mind expansion project.

The Times They Are A-Changing

Growing up is hard; we are such a youth-obsessed society and it is hard to not to feel like your relevance is diminished with each passing year. We should embrace age, and it’s cousins, age and wisdom. Instead we do our best to disguise it in rushed bios and condensed histories where the early years are mysteriously distilled. I know this, and yet questions arise regardless. Is 29 too old to release a debut solo album??

I’m at a weird point in my life. The cold days are passing and I think we have seen the last day of winter, pictured here. I’m not sure what Spring will bring or how this year will go, but I am very certain of what I don’t want: a wedding three years in the making; a mortgage on a bedsit in Zone 17; a drinking problem. I realise that I am incredibly lucky for so many things. To live in this great city and call it home, to do something I love all day and call it work, to have so many inspirational people in my life and call them friends. It seems bizarre any of this should conspire to make me unhappy. And yet days pass where I sit awkwardly in this charmed life. I guess the trick is letting the doubts and the questions and the anger fuel you, rather than consume you.


6 comments so far.

6 responses to “Finding Spring: Where I’m At Right Now”

  1. effcaa says:

    Hopefully spring will arrive soon! 🙂 Such lovely weather here in London today…
    xx finja |

  2. I loved this. I feel like this time of the year is the real start of it for me. The age thing is always in the back of my mind too. Is 30 really the new anything, other than decade? I’m glad you’ve found some happy in amongst it all though. I hope it continues x

  3. Vivacious Girl says:

    I can relate 🙂

  4. Jane says:

    I love these photos! Whatever the year holds for you, I hope it’s a good one 🙂

  5. Denise says:

    This is really interesting, Laila, for different reasons I wrote a post that is somehow a bit connected to yours, now. It’s not yet on air. I don’t even know whether I will publish it… but like you, I feel that the year starts in February (after my birthday, too 🙂 or even during the first week of March. And all you wrote is so right. 29 is not too old to release an album, 67 also not. It means, any age is not too late, my humble opinion. And yes, we have so much to be happy and grateful for, and sometimes we take things for granted. We evolve, every year. I know that people – or society – tends to answer to a “happy birthday” with “oh, at my age I don’t have birthdays anymore”. But as for me, I was soooo happy that I had birthday this year, it showed to me what really matters: I am alive, when so many would love to have this chance, I have everything running well – two eyes, I can hear, I walk, when so many wished to have this too. But not everybody understands that – they are really busy with wish lists and youth creams. I respect their ways, of course, since creams and wish lists are also OK (when not exaggerated), but like you said… age and wisdom are cousins. Better a kind heart than a tight skin. My humble opinion. So don’t compromise – be exactly who you are and evolve wisely, as you do!

  6. jessthetics says:

    This was beautifully written Laila, and I LOVE those photos of the frosty lawn. Frost and mist are my favourite types of weather. Saying that, I am looking forward to spring so much. My bones are cold and I need to feel the sunshine on my face. You’re right about our unnecessary obsession with youth. Me and my school friends are turning 25 this year and people are starting to freak out about it even though it’s, obviously, not old. It feels as if our fuck ups are less endearing and more of a blight on our personalities after 25. I love having friends who are slightly older than me who *feel* the same age to reassure me that there’s nothing wrong with going older, and that 30 is actually no big deal.


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